Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Therapy in NYC’

Committing to Monogamy Prevents Infidelity

Friday, September 14th, 2012

Committing to monogamy prevents infidelity. Infidelity is a symptom, not a cause. Feeling remorse and “good” shame are how you know you’ve crossed a line. Then you realize you’ve gone against yourself and hurt your partner in the process. What kind of a commitment is necessary? If your commitment is so your partner won’t stray it won’t work because you can’t control someone else’s behavior. You can only be in control of your own. Committing to monogamy is a commitment you make to yourself. When both of you do this, the maturity required provides a safety-net for the vulnerability to learn how to express and hear each other’s feelings—fears, hurts, angers, hopes, and dreams. That’s emotional intimacy that can combine with sexual intimacy in a growing relationship.

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Find The Courage to Really Touch Again

Friday, September 14th, 2012

Bringing back the spark in your marriage is about touching. Touching that is tender, gentle, nurturing, and sexy infuses a marriage with aliveness.  When circumstances, such as the demands of family and work, get in the way of the immediacy of simply being with each other and touching each other, what can we do? We can be real and aligned with each other in the face of stress and feeling overwhelmed. This creates a bond that lessens the fear and hurt that keeps couples apart. Even in the presence of difficulties, couples can discover and make choices that bring them together again. When, instead of being resentful or heavy handed, you find the courage to be lighthearted and playful, you are rekindling the spark.

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Welcome to Courage in Therapy

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Welcome to Courage In Therapy. I am Matthew Cohen, a Marriage & Family Therapist, and this is my blog. I’ve recently published a new book When Words Aren’t Enough (March, 2012) and for a Free Chapter of my book go to It is fundamentally about transformational change in psychotherapy. It demonstrates the courage it takes to create the honesty and healthy vulnerability that is vital in psychotherapy and in life. My blog is about the courage to change and to heal.

I hope you find my blog informative and inspiring. I look forward to many fruitful exchanges. Please feel free to contribute and comment, and I will respond.

The courage it takes for transformational change means conquering our inner fears. It means exposing ourselves to ourselves—airing the “weakness” that we have been ashamed of—and at the same time doing so in the presence of a trusted other. This trusted other may be the person we feel closest to—a marital partner, or a family member, or a close friend, or a trusted therapist.

My book had to meet my authenticity requirements. It had to be as life-like as possible—describing real people with real problems. And it needed to show real change. To accomplish this I used verbatim transcripts extensively.

While writing my book I happened upon this quote. I deeply resonate with it in my work and in my life.

All, everything that I understand, I understand
only because I love.” __Leo Tolstoy


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